From: Jasmine Sailing (jsailing@netonecom.net) Sat Jun 14 10:25:46 EDT 1997
Ok, I was going to continue waiting on this particular rant since I don't have the time for it right now. Screw it though, it's been eating at me for too long.
I remember while the McVeigh trial was still cranking slowly along. Darrel and I drove past the federal courthouse and looked at the gawkers. He commented that McVeigh was going to get off because there was no substantial evidence against him. I said "No, they'll convict him. It's a witch hunt. Who cares about evidence, just kill the bastard.". I thought it was sad, but it was also the way it would be.
Maybe the only respite is that the jury at least had the decency of taking more than an hour to deliberate on the verdict. Had they not, I might've finally snapped and been seen wandering dazedly toward the federal building with a load of plastique strapped to my chest. ={
About a year before the trial started, I was saying it's a bummer that about the only people who would truly be impartial on the jury were those who would 1. be automatically disqualified for opposing capitol punishment 2. not be able to afford months of sequestering anyway. I commented that when the mobs began arriving I would love to send people through them with mini recorders to do brief interviews. I wanted to have it as a feature in the magazine. Why? Because I knew that your average mob denizen would have the mentality of "Guilty! Hang the bastard!" long before the trial even began. "Innocent until proven guilty" is about the biggest piece of bullshit to ever float out of our legal toilet. The feature wound up not being necessary. The mob made it obvious of their own accord through virtue of little things like wanting McVeigh's defense attorney to get the death penalty for daring to do his job by defending him. The mob cares not that its numbers are completely idiotic assholes, because the mob knows it is in the accepted majority.
So the witch hunt began. I have to admit that I have not been following the trial. I don't need the additional depression. I was more or less oblivious right up through the predictable guilty verdict. Then I wanted to go right back to being oblivious because everything was too horrifying. I remember watching the "mourners" sitting there cheering the verdict, saying "Woo hoo! Let's kill him now! We'll finally have justice!" and I literally screamed at the TV "That's not justice, you fucking idiots, it's REVENGE! Learn the fucking difference!". I already couldn't cope any more so I turned the hypno-ray of deranged mobdom off and took the baby (Amara) for a walk.
Idiots. You know, of COURSE I feel for these people. I feel for anyone who has to deal with the death of someone close to them. I won't fault them for WANTING revenge, what I will fault them for is trying to mask it as justice. The twain have nothing to do with each other, they don't even exist in the same portion of the brain. Revenge is a primal need. Everyone has primal needs, we suffer from them every bit as much as the "lowly" animals do. There's nothing wrong with having natural impulses. The entire primal brain is based upon survival, wanting to kill something that's threatened you or eliminated part of your blood line is a survival impulse. However, humans have this funny little conceit of claiming to be evolved above that. We say we control our primal impulses and respond to that other portion of our brains: the "higher" mind. Of course this is complete crap, but if we're going to claim we do it, we should at least TRY to do it.
This would entail little things like figuring out the difference between revenge and justice. You scream and stomp your foot and cry and mutter "I hate him! He killed my kid! He deserves to die as well!" and accept that this is a vengeful notion. And I ain't knocking it. If someone killed one of MY kids.... screw the legal revenge system, I'd want their throats right there in my own damned hands. I'm not even going to try to claim to be above it. You bet I'd want revenge. I also wouldn't be silly enough to try to nicely wrap my wants in pretty labelling that has nothing to do with reality and only serves to make me look like a good guy. If I wanted justice, I would want the killer to have to work off their act, to repent, and to hopefully be rehabilitated (not in prison, obviously, we should have boot and work camps for that. The only thing prison does is make people worse.). I wouldn't want to kill them.
You can't justify taking a life, unless it is in self-defense. Timothy McVeigh is certainly not justified in what he did (IF he did it). I'm sure it probably was the result of situations that made him feel justified, but people tend not to be perfect in their decisions of what is and isn't necessary. Blowing up little kids doesn't end governmental oppression. It'd be more likely to intensify it. This wasn't a situation of direct self-defense with proven need, it can't be justified. Likewise, killing McVeigh can't be justified right now. He's not a threat. He's buried in solitary down in the basement of the federal building, heavily guarded. The likelihood of him managing to hurt someone else right now (or someone that matters to eyes of the mob) isn't too darned much. Killing him definitely has nothing to do with self-defense. Nor does it have anything to do with justice, because it gives absolutely no chance at healing/improving/rehabilitating/whatever.
What I really could NOT handle was seeing all of the drooling revenge- mongers saying how horrible it is that he killed these people, how utterly horrible it is for anyone to be killed, so kill the guy who did it. Huh? "Killing is horrible! Let me kill!". These people think this is all just fine and dandy and doesn't exhibit the slightest trace of hypocrisy.
I had to start REALLY avoiding the news (both hypno and dead tree) at that point. Seemed that every time I saw a second of it I would be yelling "Idiot!" "Asshole!" etc at it. Death is so horrible, and there's just never enough of it. Kill kill kill! Kill more!!!! I would be fine with this if they weren't such self-righteous smug idiots with holier-than-thou attitudes about what gives who the right to take a life. NOTHING (barring direct self-defense, IF absolutely necessary) gives ANYONE that right. People can kill all they want, but they need to accept it that they did so out of their own will and primal desires. They can't turn it into something better, something holy, something deserved. If you go out and kill a torturous pedophile, cool. You're still a murderer of your own right, though, and you need to grasp that. Everyone giving their pleas for the death penalty is effectively a murderer as well. They're enabling and promoting the death of an individual, the taking of a life. As I said, I won't begrudge the right of these hurting survivors to feel bitter and murderous over their losses. It's a natural way to feel. What freaks the hell out of me is that they seriously can have this concept that killing some people is a hideous sin, while killing others is absolute game show ecstasy. And you know most of the audience is drooling and saying "huh huh yeah kill him" and BELIEVING that these people petitioning for death have a noble cause. PEOPLE ARE REALLY THIS INSANE!!!!
It's just not enough for anyone. They can't grasp that a life is a life. They don't understand that if they seriously want the killing to stop, then they need to not be saying "oh, well, excusing these few other deaths that should happen".
Fortunately something wound up coming on the hypno-ray that made me happy. They got the opinions of one pro death penalty person, and one person who opposed it. The opposition began with "This is not justice, it is revenge. People need to understand the difference between them...". I almost hugged the TV right then and there, despite how much I generally revile and spurn the durned things. =) I actually did look the guy up in the phone book, half-inclined to send him a thank you note for having a brain. Instead I broke down crying from relief at proof of some sanity still existing within the human race. And I took Amara for a walk. I had no doubt that any further viewing would just upset me again. Especially with Mr. Offense starting to talk about how it just doesn't do the survivors any good to know the person who killed their loved ones is still alive. Oh, now there's a good excuse for murder! It might put them out a bit that this guy is virtually dead with life imprisonment. Might bug 'em a bit that an eye wasn't begotten for an eye. Gee, and the injustice system claims to not be about that.
I tuned out again. I REALLY didn't want to watch the sentencing because it was far too obvious and I was already far too disturbed. And I swear I'm going to vomit if I ever have to see another one of those gleeful rabid faces that everyone is feeling sorry for. But I wasn't aware that the deliberations were ending, so I turned the TV on to watch an actual show. At first, the golf championships were on. You'll notice that it's against the law (death penalty variety) to usurp sports with news flashes and weather bulletins. They generally ring the screen if people are getting ticked off about the lack of warning for those tornados that just devastated their town. If a normal day time show is on, they'll cut the entire thing for breaking news or weather bulletins about the tiny puddle of water in the middle of City Park. Or they'll run the bulletins through the entire show, yet "return you to your regularly scheduled programming" right in time for each commercial break. Woo boy, if you ever want a real view of hypno-ray priorities you should seriously start watching daytime shows for a while. In this case, of course, the full hour of TV viewing was pre-empted so they could give lengthy camera imaging of the leering mob while awaiting the end of the deliberation.
"Watch the crowds psyche out and cause a river of drool over impending certain death!" It'd make an honest headline, at least. ={
I was cursing and telling Amara "What's the point in watching it? They'll give the death penalty, and there'll be retaliation".
There was quoting from one of the "victims" who said he would prefer it if McVeigh DIDN'T get the death sentence because then, just maybe, he would eventually feel capable of forgiving him. Cool, actual decency. And, more practically, he thought they might eventually get more name implications out of McVeigh if he spent his life in prison. I always thought that was the most sound reason given... keep McVeigh alive so he can rat on the others later. =) Who knows if it would happen, but he'd have a better chance of doing it alive than dead. Another thing I thought people might at least consider is that death penalty sentences are more expensive to tax payers than life imprisonment is. I mean, gee, I thought the ONLY way to get through to people was via tax dollars. Apparently not when blood can be shed and revenge can be watched with a bag of popcorn though.
One more thing I made the mistake of seeing before the deliberations was the leering droolers commenting on McVeigh's Mom crying for her son's life. This one woman was being snivelly and saying "I feel for her, I really do. I wish I could help her. But I can't, because I want her son to die." I bet that was a noble comment as well. Actually it's fucking heartless and hypocritical. I should say McVeigh's Mom would be justified in wanting to kill the woman for saying that. "Sorry I want you to suffer as much as I have, though you've done nothing to me, but hee hee, I wanna I wanna I wanna." I wound up yelling "You are disgusting!" at the TV and stomping off. At least everyone can see very clearly why I try to avoid these news casts. War is easier to watch because everyone is letting their psychoses hang out in the open. In these types of situations, though, you see all of these drooling psychopaths parading through society as sainted martyrs while their tongues loll at the thought of bidding others to do their killing for them.
So they kept waiting for the deliberation. I wandered outside with Amara for a while. The damned thing was still pending when I came back in. Well, they were finally about ready to give the jury's verdict. I was still cursing about the upcoming retaliations. They started reading off the findings. I think what got me the most was the absolute lack of mitigating factors. What really horrified me then was the exact phrasing of "Waco and Ruby Ridge meant absolutely nothing to them" in regards to the jury. And the fear of an increasingly police state government meant even less. Though I know better than to not expect this, I was still sputtering "How could that NOT mean anything?!". As I said, it's not a justification for what he did. It is most certainly a valid fear, though, and something people feel very strongly about. And that it means nothing... my fucking ass... there were kids killed there as well! But it's just fine and dandy for the government to murder people. They can get away away with it. If people get carried away and react by returning the favour, then they're obviously the Devil Incarnate for it. The hypocrisy of the shepherds becomes mirrored by the sheep. What McVeigh did was wrong. BUT the political fears were definitely mitigating factors. They wouldn't have gotten him less of a penalty than not having them would have. But they WOULD verify that he was reacting to something, rather than calling him a drooling psychopath who just randomly goes around blowing up kids. What he did was no worse than what the government did in Waco (and to a lesser degree in Ruby Ridge). It doesn't matter though. People don't have reason to be upset about murders committed by the government. If the good ol' Gov did it, it must've been for such a great fun game show soap opera as the Tim McVeigh show has been. Gov's killing him, too, so it's pretty cool. Huh huh.
Of course they had to go back to the reactions of the gloaters after the death sentence was delivered. The "woo woo! Let's have a weenie roast and watch it!" crowd. All of the poor innocent people who were so put out by having to wait for the silly trial to happen when they could've just lynched McVeigh and his attorney on the spot. But of course these are the same people who believe in doing everything the good ol' Gov tells them to, so they gotta sit there and jeer through the trial. There were the tears and the "Oh I'm so glad he's going to die and pay for this" declarations of ecstatsy. And I was snapping "And you'll be so frigging glad when there is retaliation and all the more 'innocent' people die, and you'll have been one of the fine people who just couldn't stop at the current quota of death and had to help it escalate." And then they'll all be self-righteous about future retaliation and say "What caused these evil villainous people to react? Being mad about the act of being mad about Waco having been completely invalidated, and because they think the world really is getting bad enough for desperate measures, is no excuse! How dare they! Let's kill them!". I'm going to be around to see more of an escalation, my poor kids are going to grow up with this. Jesus. There's a reason I carved HATE in my thigh. The world is so frigging insane with hatred... people just can't stop to think beyond the reactions and the hate and the pain. They can't look past the rage to see the implications.
It's just amazing that we have the audacity to claim to be evolved life forms. I hate to say it (or maybe I don't) but I think Timothy McVeigh evidenced far more sanity than the drooling trial throngs did. I don't want to limit this by excusing the mobs as being "insane with grief". I think it's moreso along the lines of them always having been this insane, but generally not having their psychopathic desires brought out into the light as much. Too bad it could never be brought out enough for people to realize they're no better than anyone they're screaming about. No more holy, no more noble, every bit as reactionary. Or the mobs are even less noble for declaring such holiness in their manipulative, psychotic, desires.
Well, at that point in the "lack of mitigating factors for governmental fear" reading, and the "yup, there'll be retaliation" thoughts, I made the sad error of looking down -- right at the newspaper. I noticed the headlines were about the same subject: McVeigh's attorney had said that giving the death penalty might provoke retaliation. The DA replied that this was practically a terrorist threat and people shouldn't let terrorists control them. What?! That's not a THREAT, that's not even much of a defense. What it is is (un)common sense. People may want to laugh and say everyone at Waco was insane and deserving of death, it's funny cuz the Gov murdered them ha ha ha, they may want to say these things mean nothing and there's no reason for getting mad about them but... NEWS FLASH!!! People ARE mad about Waco and Ruby Ridge! I mean, lordy, even the dog got shot at Ruby Ridge. Where's the humane society when you need them to crack down on feds? =) Obviously I have long had a fairly short fuse about these subjects. I'm not going to go bomb people over it. That's me though. I think we all probably know by now that some people do actually want to go do such things. I would just be unbelievably surprised if the combination between the death penalty and the complete lack of regard for murders committed by the government didn't set SOMEONE off. Or more people. It always escalates. Always. And people NEVER learn.
So we keep heading for that deserved extinction.
I had to take Amara for a walk after seeing that in the newspaper. There was no way in hell I was going to watch all of the pap follow-up in the news. Those people are just far too freaky...
This was what I was referring to earlier when I arghed: "At least it can distract me from all of the gleeful primal murdering piece of shit assholes plastered all over the news right now... And, no, I'm not talking about Timothy McVeigh." I meant the durned "Kill him, kill him, rah rah rah!" cheerleaders.
All of these people claiming to be so damned holy in their cause, who are actually nothing more than cowards who need to let the government do their murdering for them. They're no different from anyone, they merely believe they can do their deeds legally and get a bronze medal and tons of sympathetic sobs from the audience for it rather than getting their own death sentences. I'm sorry they had to suffer so much but, at the same time, they don't have to be completely smug hypocritical assholes about it. Life doesn't matter to them, killing doesn't matter to them, the only thing that matters to them is their own pain. To hell with anything that gets in the way of their satisfaction. To hell with anyone they kill or get killed. Only they matter. It's disgusting.
People are seriously convinced that it's okay for the government to kill, and it is a good thing in general. But that it's absolutely forbidden for anyone else to kill, especially if they target anyone in the government.
I know people are going to get pissed off at me for saying all of this. Fuck them though. McVeigh at least had very clear and thought out reasons for doing what he did. That doesn't justify him, I suppose it's simply a "mitigating factor" in my mind. The "justice seekers" have evidenced no thought behind their murderous desires. They aren't trying to prevent anything bad. They're completely driven, by their primal minds, by rage and mental pain. You aren't capable of putting thought into it when you let yourself become too driven. So it remains where it should be: McVeigh is a terrorist, the others are rabid animals with a killing instinct. And a knack for making it look like the primal drive is in the right while hopeful retaliation is completely wrong. Is it so difficult to simply admit that everyone is wrong? Assholes. So I'll have people yelling at me for having the audacity to verbally beat up the "poor innocent victims" like this. Yeah, well, maybe if they spent a little less time drooling psychotically on national news and making banner ads of their hypocrisy I wouldn't feel so compelled to be a big bad meanie about them.
*Sigh*. Another thing about this is that it's the first testing of the Anti-Terrorist Act, which has been terrorizing ME to no end since it first passed. What's ironic is that we've been having people react to the passage of that as well. Oh garsh. So, is anyone as excited as I am to see where all of this goes? *Sigh*.
Jasmine Sailing %%%% Cyber-Psychos AOD %%%% jsailing@netonecom.net
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% http://www.netonecom.net/~jsailing %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Cyber-Psycho originates from the Greek roots khyber (governor) and
psyche (soul). In this world only the crazy are sane. We are the
crazy who seek to be our own governors, we regulate and correct the
evolution of our own souls. Trust no one who doesn't laugh.